EDEN'S BIRTH :: 2

PART TWO

start with PART ONE here....

grab a cup of coffee, tea, or a coke and get comfy... cause this is LONG! you have been warned! ;)

10.23.11

10:00pm: when we got home and i got into the shower and started swaying back and forth with my eyes closed with out even thinking of it!

(looking back... i now know this is when i started labor...)

i told ryan, that i thought i was contracting but i didn't want to make a big deal.

lets just watch a criminal minds and go to bed to get some rest, we can start walking again tomorrow and maybe she will come out then.

 so off ryan went to tell the troops, "she wants a criminal minds then bed!"

i got out of the shower, went to the kitchen and fixed some strawberries and cool whip (some other snacks i cant remember) and sat on the couch.

then i laid down. sat up. laid down. couldn't get comfortable, went to the bathroom... nothing...

did that about 3 times.

(yes new moms... they should just tell you that labor feels like diarrhea!

that would have saved me a lot of denial!)

on my third trip to the bathroom i decided i wanted to get into the bath-tub.

the contractions weren't super strong but i was getting pretty uncomfortable.

ryan came in and asked how i was doing. i told him, im ok. 

10:45pm julie walks in the bathroom... everything ok? ryan then tells her he's been timing and im contracting about 5-7 min apart.

i was handling the pain pretty well. breathing in and out, low moaning and re-adjusting the hot water.

*we had to start boiling water because i had used all the hot water!*

 i finally said i wanted to put the ball in the shower and let the hot water run on my back. so in came the birthing ball.. being on the ball helped to get the pressure off my back.

this is when i started closing my eyes a lot. i seemed to be able to focus better when my eyes were closed, breathing in and out, and moaning rather low.

my dad came into our bedroom (our bathroom was connected) and asked for an update. we let him now i was about 5-7 min apart and that i was a little uncomfortable, and he said, well we've got time, ill go take a shower.

ha!

11:00pm: things started moving very quickly. i was in some kind of trance. i knew what was happening but was still expecting the pain to be a heck of a lot more. i couldn't really talk or focus through contractions and i was determined to stay at home as long as possible. i was terrified of getting to the hospital, not being dilated enough and them sending me home.

Dad came in the room and heard me then said,

"i think we need to get to the hospital."

he continued to say this im sure at minimum 10 times!

here's where things really get fuzzy, this is how i remember things...

but i could get some wrong just based on i didn't time everything out and hormones were raging at this point!

(so to keep some organization to it, anything in italics is from someone other than me!)

i was still in the tub, and i knew that the nurse tammy still needed to be called and that we needed to get ahold of erica. i gave julie my phone and this is what she sent (directly from our phones):

11:21pm "ok, this is julie, kates sister. she is having contractions, shes having alot of pressure on her pelvic bone. 8 contractions in 45 min. walking all day, spicy food for dinner and just had a bowel movement. having difficulty focusing and cant talk through them and getting nauseous. she is worried they aren't contractions but ryan and i are pretty sure they are" "only thing that is relieving it is in the tub and warm shower"

at this point, i had julie get the list of things that needed to be taken with us.

yes, i had a page long list of things that needed to come with us to the hospital that was LITERALLY 1/2 a mile away!

looking back i had way too much crap i wanted there!

i remember hearing my dad multiple times, "WHAT? she wants what??"

"come on!"

"were not going to make it..."

 "is she really going to need her hair dryer?"

julie came into our bathroom and was in a panic, i looked at her and said,

"Julie, you have GOT to calm down!"

i believe that was the only sentence i could truly form at that point.

(for those that know us... you know that this is NOT a normal occurrence with us. its usually the reverse...her telling me!)

i was getting really uncomfortable and if i didnt have the water on me i was losing focus. i would be breathing and oohing/moaning/groaning real low, reminding myself to stay relaxed and calm. i was aware of what was going on, but not really. it really is a surreal experience. 

 i kept asking ryan, "Are you sure im in labor?" to which i would get a look (only described as a loving husband who knew his wife had lost her mind!) and "yes Kate, you are in labor"

what i didn't know was that julie couldn't get ahold of erica or our nurse tammy.

11:57 text to erica from julie "Please call, getting ready to go to hospital"

things seemed to be standing still and i finally asked what we were waiting on, the three of them shouted "YOU!"

so we timed it so that between contractions we would run to the car and i would have only one contraction before we got to the hospital. we lived about a mile away.

12:02am: in the car wasn't so bad. i sat in the front with ryan behind me holding my hands and julie driving like she was trying out for nascar! dad was behind with all the stuff in his truck. hazard lights blinking on our way there.

 i was in my nightgown/moomoo and robe and we waddled into the hospital doors with my huge bright orange birthing ball.

(my dad had a matching bright orange t-shirt, as you will see later in pictures!)

there was ONE person in the waiting room and the woman told us to take a seat she would be right with us... so we sat...

i was getting pretty VERY irritated then. she called us up and asked why we were there... i tried my best not to scream at her, "IM HAVING A BABY!"

i wanted so badly to just walk to L&D and find myself a room.

we filled out paper work and they wheeled me back.(which i hated!)

we rolled in and i was the only patient in L&D... a very good thing!

our room...

the nurse was very sweet, i cant remember her name for the life of me, and said we need to get your vitals and check you. i was trying my best to be nice and was anticipating a lot of resistance with our birth plan and our wishes for the delivery, even though our doctor had already agreed.

i kept repeating "call tammy, she's our nurse. she said to call her when i come in". the nurses there kept telling me ok, we now its marked in your chart, we will get to that, but first we have to make sure your in active labor. 

i remember thinking to myself, "really lady?! is this your first rodeo? you've got to be kidding me... you cant tell i am in ACTIVE LABOR?!?!?"

 wow. everything seemed to go in slow motion, that is until she checked me.

here she was checking on Eden first.

my chicken express ice we brought in ziplock bags! HA!

the boys letting the grandparents know what was happening...

the nurse FINALLY checked me and i was 7cm! 

Yes i was at a 7!

needless to say things picked up quickly then with the nurses!

she said she would be right back, and i got out of the bed to stand up and start swaying.

** my dad took this video: the sound quality isn't great, but basically this is right after the nurse checked me and walked out to call the doctor. i am laboring (obviously) when the nurse comes back in and first steps on water that came from my ice chips (she thought my water had broken!) 

nurse: did Dr. Jones (my doctor) say if he was going to "manage" our birth and if he needed to be called.

me: well, i assume so. he didn't say he wasn't going to deliver her.

nurse: well the drs take turns being on call...

(nice to know that now... apparently the dr. never thought that an important thing to bring up in the 10 plus visits we had and when i asked specifically if he was going to deliver her!)

nurse: dr holt (on-call dr) said that if he's going to manage this, he is insistent that we have an iv, pitocin after you deliver rather than take any chances.

me: huff.

nurse: he said you can have intermittent monitoring, but when your in bed he wants you monitored.

me: uhh..(im contracting through all this)

my dad: call the other doctor.

me: yea, call dr. jones then because the pitocin afterward, unless im hemorrhaging, thats not an option.

nurse: ok, ill call dr jones. 

we let her know that im getting in the shower now.

we got in the walk-in shower and i was groaning growling through contractions when the nurse came in. she had more paperwork.... 

another side note: this was so frustrating to me! i had filled out all my paper work and pre-registered, im in active labor and we are discussing forms that need to be signed?!?

12:27am julie to erica "were at the hospital this is going really fast"; julie also handed out to everyone who walked in the door my birth-plan. 

i believe at one point a nurse might have said, "yes, we have it in her file!" 

julie still hadn't gotten ahold of tammy or erica.

the sweet nurse, who i know was only doing her job, informed me that our doctor would NOT be coming in and that dr. holt would be coming in. he would not "manage" the birth unless i agreed to the iv, pitocin afterwards, and monitoring. i said, well we aren't doing those things. dr. jones already okayed this. she left one more time to try and see what she could do.

and this is what i looked like through most of that conversation...

erica finally called... her daughter had taken her phone that night and when she finally got the missed calls and texts we were already at the hospital. it was super foggy that morning and she was trying to get out the door and to the hospital safely. she stayed on the phone with julie coaching her on coaching/supporting me.

julie was telling the nurse, quite forcefully, 

"she doesn't have to sign anything she doesn't want!" "she does NOT have to have that!" 

erica was telling her what to say over the phone! 

when the nurse came back for the third time to let us know that this doctor HAD to have me to agree to those things and i finally asked, "what happens if i say no?" she proceeded to tell us that he would refuse to deliver her. WHAT?!?!

i was in the middle of a contraction and hanging onto ryan in the shower when i literally GROWLED, "I'LL JUST DELIVER HER!!!" i don't know for sure, but i swear the nurse laughed and smiled. she took the paper i "had" to agree to and wrote on top "declined" ;) atta-girl! 

erica heard me through the phone and i was later informed that she told Julie that Eden was coming very soon based on the sounds and loudness of my groans and growls...

after the next couple contractions, the nurse looked at ryan and i and said, "did you ever consider a home-birth? y'all really could have stayed home and had her. you are doing wonderfully!" talk about the boost of confidence i needed!

she also told us that she knew what we were trying to accomplish (unmedicated birth) and was proud of us for making that decision! again... confirmation i needed in that moment.

*later we found out she was a nurse midwife who worked in the birthing center that closed years ago! 

erica walked in the door a couple minutes later and i was thrilled!

she came in and took charge. she brought the focus and direction we all were missing. she immediately told ryan and julie what to do. she asked me how i was doing and informed me how great i was doing. 

i moaned in the shower, and rocked back and forth on the ball, holding on to ryan the whole time. erica had tennis balls rolling on my back and julie was taking photos.

the water was getting colder, and no one could figure out how to work the shower! erica realized it was making me more tense so she suggested i continue laboring on the bed.

i was stark naked! it was wonderful! i didnt care who came in that room, they were getting the whole show! hehe 

i was on all fours rocking back and forth. i kept my eyes closed through most of laboring and would growl and moan these sounds i had never voiced before. it felt so good to just vocalize.

i kept grabbing my head in my hands and closing my eyes. erica was telling ryan and julie what to do to help put counter-pressure on my back and hips. it was like they couldn't push hard enough! 

 i kept visualizing Eden moving down the birth canal. all while trying not to throw up. a couple of times i said, "i need to puke... im going to throw up" or "i need to pee" to which the response from everyone was "just do it! we don't care!"-- all with smiles.

we hadn't planned on having my dad in the room. i honestly didn't think that he would want to be in there, but it was really awesome to have him there as well as my sister. he stayed in his chair and communicated back to my mother everything that was going on...i later found out that he had my mother, who was in pennsylvania, on the phone through most of the time we were at the hospital. she got to hear me labor AND deliver eden!

ryan and julie were on either side of me pushing on my hips. erica had her tennis balls on my back, which was amazing! most of the time i kept my eyes closed and moaned. the sounds that came out of me were so primal. i just let go and did whatever felt good. i truly believe, looking back, that this played a huge roll in processing the pain and all the unknowns.

after Eden was born i was told that julie asked ryan while they were sitting, "does your back hurt?" and ryan responded with, "YEAH, but i didn't want to say anything because she just pushed a baby out!" hilarious!

i swayed back and forth on the bed for a while and then tammy came in. i was so relieved to hear tammy's voice. she walked in and came around the bed and looked me in the eyes with a sweet smile on her face and asked, "how you doing sweetheart?" i told her i felt like i needed to throw up and pee. she proceeded to tell me that i could do what ever i pleased, and got me a bucket if i needed to throw up.

she let me know, again, what dr. holt wanted us to do. she understood our wishes and said, if you want, you can agree to the hep-lock (iv) and then say we will DISCUSS the pitocin, that way you have a little give and take with him. ;)

 i was so frustrated, i said ok whatever. i made it clear i didn't want ANYTHING in that hep-lock once it was placed.

 she then said, "ok thats fine. i am going to need to check you, is that ok?"

sure, why not?...

tammy checked me and said i was at an 8. whoo-hoo!

erica ended up giving me a "pebbles pony" (my bangs in a pony holder) so my hair would stay out of my face... we didn't take it out until well after eden was born... so all of the photos have my hair sticking straight up! :)

 i then moved to the top of the bed. i was on my knees and grasping the head part of the bed. that felt so good! letting gravity help out.

 tammy then needed to get a hep-lock in, per the doctor so we could have a little wiggle room with the pitocin afterward. a give and take if you will ;) we tried to be "reasonable"

tammy was great. she got the hep-lock in between a couple contractions while erica kept me focused. julie let me know i was moving my arm EVERYWHERE and that blood was also everywhere... i remember none of this! 

ryan was on one side of the bed near me and julie was on the other.

the contractions were getting to the point where they felt like they were just one after the other after the other. i couldn't catch my breath.

i would move and try to get a little relief but just couldn't do it.

i was getting overwhelmed and discouraged. i felt so unprepared. 

poor ryan and julie kept trying to ask what i needed, what felt good...i kept saying, "i cant do this. i cant do this." when i really should have been saying, "i don't know what to say i need." -notes for next time.

erica had some perfumes that she would spray that would always get me back on track. it was like a distraction and something different. ryan kept holding my hand telling me, "you are doing this." "you can do it" "i love you" "she's almost here". there is nothing like having him support me. i remember looking into his eyes and seeing just raw emotion. again, it was so overwhelming. 

i still felt like i needed to throw up and sure enough.. i did. strawberries and cool whip... (i just recently finally had strawberries again!) 

ryan doesn't do so well with vomit, so poor guy. he tried to stick it out, but quickly told julie, i need to switch sides.

i told him i was sorry, but i felt so much better after that. julie came around the bed and looked at me and was so encouraging. erica also had some hard candies to get the taste out of my mouth... GREAT idea!!

i remember looking for a clock to see what time it was, but i never could find it. i felt like we were stuck in a time warp. things were going so fast but so slow at the same time. good thing i never found the clock until after she was born, because im sure it would have made it worse!

after hanging on to the top of the bed and just groaning, they suggested sitting on the bed. it felt so good. i just sat and swayed and groaned. a contraction would come and i would groan some more. this helped so much.. changing positions and vocalizing. 

at some point, someone sneezed in the room. i was in the middle of a contraction, stopped, said, "God bless you" and went back to groaning. everyone looked at each other and smiled... i don't remember any of this.

in the midst of all of this i know that there were a couple of readings of eden's heart, but i cant remember when. 

the pain was so unique its so difficult to describe. i knew that it was part of what i would have to go through to get eden out, and i think that remembering that made it a little easier. it was hard to know how to cope with the pain, i kept thinking of all the things we had learned in the "classes" and wanted to scream... they are liars! this really feels like a HUGE poo from being food poisoned that wont come out! TMI i know, but the truth. you cant get comfortable and you will try just about anything to get relief!

i kept my eyes closed a lot. thinking how is this going so fast? im not ready. i need to catch my breath. a majority of the whole labor, and even now i feel like i am a beat behind. like if i could just pause everything for a moment and catch my breath i could have focused better.

tammy had to check me again, i was at a 9. she had just stepped back when i quickly felt pressure and then like i peed everywhere! i thought i had just peed on her! i was so embarrassed.

 it was actually my water breaking.

erica came around to me and got right in my face and told me, "kate, your contractions are going to feel different now. we are going to change how your breathing ok?" this helped so much, because they did change. she was so honest and real with me, which is what i liked most. no sugar-coating!!

this is when i could start feeling my stomach contract from the outside. until then i could only feel "cramps" from the inside. so now that the pain started getting closer to the pelvic region that pressure was super intense!

i kept feeling like i needed to push, but was trying not to because i kept hearing them say, "you dont need to push" come to find out they were telling me, " if you need to bare down then bare down." i was really in my own world. 

i was on the bed and had my legs bent swaying, i would move my head back and forth, saying "i cant do this" over and over. it was my mantra.

note to self: i need a new mantra! ;)

i think it was the comfort of being able to say the same words over and over again.

julie would almost yell at me, "KATE, you ARE doing this!" i think we all were still in shock that this was really happening!

ryan and julie shared many looks of what looked like sheer terror... looking at each other with eyes that said she has to do this! right??!? 

and they both said i had a look of fear/unease on my face that all they could do was smile and say its ok, you can do this. 

the doctor came in at some point and introduced himself, said something about the pitocin, that i ignored, and then he left...

i was so grateful when he was gone. the atmosphere was so much more peaceful and supportive when he wasn't in there. i vaguely remember someone saying, "we wont get him back in here until she's ready to push"

 looking back i think if i would have stayed home a longer (even for the whole birth) i would have done much better with the pain because i would have been more comfortable and less annoyed with the doctor!

i was checked again and was told i had a little bit of a cervical lip, so i was like at a 9.87ish. erica recommended i get up and let gravity help me out. tammy reminded me of the swaying movement with your partner. so i got up and ryan and i swayed. we rocked back and forth. when a contraction would come i would hang on to him and squat down. it felt so good, but was so hard to get back up. after doing that a couple times i asked if i could just sit on the ball and sway holding him.

julie was REALLY good at getting the pictures of when i was in the middle of contractions!

i think everyone was a little nervous i would fall of the ball!  

at this point i leaned my head onto ryan's and looked into his eyes. it was the same look i saw when i was walking down the aisle when we were getting married, the same look when i told him i had miscarried, the same look when we got the positive pregnancy test, the same look when we heard eden's heartbeat for the very first time, when we saw her on the sonogram... the look of complete amazement, awe and love. it was just what i needed. 

i got back on the bed and they checked me again... i was complete. 

it hit me... my daughter was going to be in my arms soon. 

tammy said that with most mom's it would be an hour of pushing but she didn't think that was happening here. erica agreed. 

i was able to start pushing. that was the BEST feeling, even though it took everything out of me. at first i felt like i was doing it wrong, but i did one push and tammy and erica told me that was wonderful!

for you soon to be moms: it felt like taking a huge poo!

erica was on one side and ryan was on the other. tammy was down at the end of the bed telling me how great i was doing. every one was SO very encouraging. the other nurses were getting things ready.

tammy let me know just a couple more pushes like that and she would be here!

ryan getting ready to be a daddy!!

my dad still had my mom on the phone at this point and him and julie were taking pictures. 

it got to the point it was time for the doctor to come in. i had been pushing for maybe 15 minutes.

 Dr. came in and i pushed maybe 4 or 5 times and her head was out. i was groaning and so tired... i remember hearing something about shoulders, then a swish and there she was! i didn't even have to push again!

the doctor did tell dad and julie no pictures... with the excuse that the "mom" doesnt normally want those pictures... well jerk.. i did , it was in the birth plan AND because of you, $#%&#$ i have none of the good stuff!!! 

well just one dad snapped of eden's head poking out but its blurry!! ;)

at that moment, there were so many emotions that were coursing through me it didn't register that she was out.

the nurse said, "okay dad, your up!" ryan said he went to turn to cut the cord, but the doctor had already cut it and he was placing her on my chest. 

(i really did not like this doctor!)

eden was placed on my chest and i was so overwhelmed. ryan and i looked at each other in amazement. she was here! we did it. 

4:10 am

a little over 6 hours of labor and there she was. my daughter. she was so perfect! she had so much hair. she was so tiny. her full lips that were pink and the screams... yes she was my daughter. 

ryan came over to the side of the bed and we just stared at her. i held her through being stitched up and that was painful... worse than labor and delivery... (you can read more in depth at the bottom of this post) 

after the doctor left, i asked if i could nurse her. i felt so out of it...

the answer: of course! erica and tammy helped along with another nurse. eden did great, didn't eat much but we at least got her latched! it was so comforting to both of us. i got to talk to my mom briefly, to say i love you and she's here. i had to be reminded later that i talked to her. 

ryan held her and it was beautiful. it looked like ryan had been missing something and when he had her in his arms the picture was complete.

julie bought this hat because she was terrified that eden would be a "cone-head"... she was DEFINITELY not a cone-head!

julie held her and cried. dad held her... it was priceless!

**side note: julie and i had switched somewhere along my pregnancy. i was normally the one who cried at everything and was a basket case... well we switched! and i loved it!... we have since then evened out. i got my crying back and julie got her grip on emotions back! :)

they took eden then to weigh her and get her foot-print and wrist band put on. 

the nurse said, "8 pounds 12 ounces" we all oohed and ahhed.. i was shocked! "19 and 1/2 inches"  she held ryan's hand from the beginning.

she did NOT like the lights!

 i watched her as the nurse placed her in the baby bin, as i called it, and ryan got to cut the cord again... the nurse noticed that her cord was cut a little long and new that we wanted ryan to cut the cord so we did our own little ceremony. :) that was so special for us and i will be forever grateful that she did that for us.

i had an AMAZING birth team:

my amazing husband ryan

who was absolutely incredible!

my best friend, my sister julie

who supported me and "fought" for me, even if she didnt completely understand ;)

my dad bryan

who even though wasn't planned to be there, it was so much more perfect!

my new life long friend, erica

 my doula who i can not say enough wonderful things about!

my nurse, tammy

she was our educator in our childbirth classes and offered to be my nurse, knowing that we were aiming for an all natural birth in a hospital setting.

thank you loves!!

there she is!!

once we moved into our baby suite- ryan, dad, and julie took turns sleeping with eden... in that oh so comfortable chair. :)

here we are after mommy got a MUCH needed shower that took much longer than she thought! and she didn't even use her hair-dryer! ;)

i HIGHLY recommend a doula whatever type of birth you are having.

erica was AMAZING, FABULOUS, PHENOMENAL.... the list goes on!

she was so wonderful!

before labor i could ask her any questions or concerns that i had, and she would calm me down, give advice, and support me.

after eden's birth, she came to the house to check on things and make sure nursing was going well. :)

i have since asked her many questions about so many things that they don't address in any class. she has calmed my fears many times. and to top it off, i have a new friend for life!!

i could go on and on about what happened since that day, but i will spare you! 

so in conclusion, i got the unmedicated birth i wanted, but even better i got an incredible, amazing, beautiful daughter that has surpassed any expectation i have ever had of being a mom.

i have learned so much from eden in the past 6 months. i am trying to take life one day at a time. i embrace the days where she and i just sit on the couch and nurse and stare at each other, then realize hours have gone by.

Thank you so much for taking the time to share this experience as i walk through it again!

** this is a little bitchy and a little graphic so you have been warned **

there ryan and i were just in amazement at eden when i start feeling this terrible pain. i had torn (which i truly believe was made worse by the doctor by PULLING and TWISTING eden out!), and the doctor was stitching me up. my legs were shaking so much from the release of hormones. i kept saying ouch, ouch that hurts to which this dumb-butt of a doctor pulls the thread and needle up saying, "im not poking you. its just the thread." yeah well.. i can feel that! he said he numbed me, but i felt every movement and stitch. i don't remember crying through-out the entire labor--i was close-- but while he was stitching me... i cried. the nurses kept re-assuring me that he wasn't trying to hurt me... sure! okay. but i could still feel everything! it was so much worse than the labor and delivery! he was half way through stitching me up, that he ordered for the pitocin. he was reminded that i did not want the pitocin, to which he stood up and acted like a five year old who wasn't getting ice-cream and said, "well i only agreed to manage the birth if she took the pitocin" i remember asking if i was hemorrhaging to which he replied, "not yet" and he wouldn't continue stitching me until i took the pitocin. my dad came over and said, kate you need it... theres a lot of blood. i honestly i don't believe i really needed it, but i was so frustrated that he wouldn't leave and i didn't have the energy to fight with him that i agreed to it. our nurse whispered in my ear, "your getting the lowest dose possible" so i got the pit and he finished the stitches. he never came back after that. we talked about this and julie had mentioned that it seemed like he was being a jerk on purpose as if to say.."this is what YOU wanted...". the funny thing is the day i was discharged i passed a HUGE clot that the nurse joked... see you didn't need that pitocin! HA!

 this is just one of the many reasons why we are choosing to do a home-birth or go to a birthing center with midwives.