ON MY HEART

i just recently read this post. give me rest
katie has become an instant friend.
her sweet spirit and tender heart mean so much to me.
especially right now.

after reading her post,
i have decided to share something that i didn't think i would share for a couple more weeks.

announcing:

we are pregnant!!

baby number 3, due early October! 

yippie!! 

(and yes i know that mostly this is bloat, but theres a baby in there y'all!!)

while we are thrilled, we are also in a very critical time right now.
babies are very fragile and vulnerable in the first trimester.

last week i started spotting.
then bleeding. no cramping. not super heavy. but it was cause for concern.

i started bleeding right before our first appointment.
when we went in, the dr. checked me and determined that my cervix is closed.
thats a good thing.

i have gone through all the blood, checking for baby or a sac. 

nothing. no baby and no sac has passed.

another good thing.

but the blood concerned him.
he believes that i am miscarrying.
he has ordered blood tests.
the past two have come back not looking so encouraging.

as of this past week, my bleeding has completely stopped.

the doctor has gone over the results and has decided to order another test.
our appointment is scheduled for this coming Monday.

i am a ball of emotions.
at the beginning of the bleeding i felt confident that baby was just fine.
there was an overwhelming sense of peace in my heart, as well as Ryan's.

since the tests, i have slowly started doubting.
there are moments where i am gripped with fear.
with the realization that i might have to say goodbye too soon. again.
but any time i say the word miscarriage,
my whole body revolts and screams NO. HOLD ON.
my spirit brings to remembrance His promises.

"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." 
-Deuteronomy 31:8

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus"
- Philippians  4:6-7

while we know the possibility of losing this little,
we also know that we are held in His hands through it all,
just like little baby number three.

in Katie's post, she talks about trusting Him with our "stuff".
her post reminded me where i need to be placing my trust,
my faith... in Him.

"Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge" - Psalm 62:8

as i have been pouring out my heart,
God has brought words of encouragement and truth through family and friends.
Words that remind me that our prayers are heard.

Please, can I ask for your prayers?
Prayers for protection and health, over baby and me. For clarity in the test results. Prayers over our family, for wisdom and guidance with the doctor. thank you.