WELCOME BACK

where to start? i have felt the nudge to start writing again...

i feel guilty for not having anything written/posted for the past FIVE months.
no updates. no "just checking in". nada. nothing.

not even an announcement of another little?!?
how could i?!?

and then i came across this post,
that i had written back in February...

my babies. my littles. my loves. my three.

losing noah was one of the hardest things i have ever gone through.
not being able to hold him, kiss him, and watch him grow.
heartbreaking.

then being so abundantly blessed with eden.
the most joyous child ever. she has taught me so much.
she brings out such love i never thought possible.
indescribable.

now with this third pregnancy.
not knowing what the outcome will be.
will i go on to deliver a healthy little baby?
or will i have to say an early good-bye, again?
scary. emotional.

this past week has been...
i cant even find words.
there are moments of complete peace that we both have.
then there are the moments of not knowing. fear. uneasiness.

i am gripped with such heavy emotions its hard to process.
if this baby is not healthy and needs to join his/her brother,
i will be okay. it will be hard, but i know that this is all in God's hands.

if this baby is healthy, i just want confirmation.
can i ask for your prayers?
for wisdom? for clarity? for answers? for protection?

i honestly couldn't tell you why i never hit publish on that one.

reading over those words, i can remember the fear. the anxiety.
but i also remember that peace.
while i will probably never fully understand why we lost TWO littles,
i will cling to His faithfulness. His love. His grace.

so here i am. starting this journey again. to share.
i really have missed it. missed this community.

and so, if you haven't gotten the update...
yes we are pregnant! 25 weeks tomorrow.

and yes... we are having a BOY!!!