26 WEEKS :: THOUGHTS

TWENTY SIX WEEKS

welcome baby belly.

i love being pregnant. im one of those mamas who love love LOVE it.
the growing belly. the stretch-marks. the kicks and rolls.
i love it all.

i become more in-tune with my body. i listen closer to my needs.
things slow down. i have the desire to be more aware. to trust myself.

with eden, every dr. visit was loaded with a range of emotions.
anxiety until i heard that ca-thump, ca-thump of her heartbeat.
joy and relief at the sound.
irritation at the staff, who every appointment told me one of two things:
"your not gaining enough weight" or
"your gaining too much too quickly. you need to stop raiding the fridge at night, even though its tempting"
they would THEN look at my chart and see that for the first trimester i had HG (hyperemesis gravidarum) and lost twenty pounds. 
that my weight was right on schedule. 
i wanted to slap them every-time.
the rolling of eyes when i said i wanted an un-medicated natural delivery. 
the doctor arguing with me about pitocin after birth.
i still get worked up about it all. 
i still can feel my heart racing and the lump in my throat.

the closer we got to her due date, 
the more anxious and fearful i became. 
i had a wonderful support team. my husband. my family. my doula.
but it hurt that my own doctor and his staff didn't believe in me. 
didn't encourage me.
in the end, i had un-medicated natural birth. my healthy baby girl.
but. there are still things about her birth that i have to work through.

i am so glad we have decided to have a home-birth this time.
that we are blessed with a wonderful midwife.
that every appointment is light. easy. joyful. soothing.
no fear. no anxiety.
she encourages me. she LISTENS to me.
she tells me what a wonderful mama i am.
she loves on my daughter. big points there!

the closer we get to his "due date"
the more calm and excited i become.
such a different experience from my first.

ryan and i have talked about how we feel that his birth will be healing.

calm. peaceful. restoring.

a breath of fresh air.
oh i get goose-bumps thinking about it!!

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i love this bond that eden and baby boy are forming.
its tangible. so amazing.

eden loves to rub my belly.

she tells her brother that she loves him.

giggles and laughs when he kicks her hands.

i love that we pray over him.
eden has started asking to pray,
clasping her hands together and waiting for the
"in Jesus name"
so she can smile and say "aaaaman"

can i just say how blessed i am?


**these were all taken on my phone.
i cant wait to have my big camera working.
im attempting this next week to clean it on my own...
eep!**