THE TEXT THAT CHANGED IT ALL

im still processing.
trying to accept what our life will bring in the next few years.

some of you might know,
my grandfather (pappap) has been struggling with some memory issues for the past year.
he hasnt been eating well.
at first, we thought maybe it was just depression.
the loss of mimi.
his love. his soulmate.
but then things started getting worse.
repeated conversations.
forgotten conversations.
a few times not remembering where he was.

my mom's health has been affected.
in a week she has had two trips to the dr/emergency room for tests,
ekg's, stress tests...
the stress level of having to care for her father since mimi died...
its taking its toll.
she is learning that she has to take care of herself first.

a hard lesson to learn.
i mean, as mothers, our job is care. protect. support.
when someone you love is in trouble,
you drop everything.
and that is what is happening now.

my mom and sister took my pappap to the doctor yesterday.
i wish i could have been there, but with the two littles,
it would have been overwhelming for everyone.
so at home, i prayed and prayed.
for peace. for wisdom. for answers.
and we got the answer...

my heart stopped.
the hot tears, that brim my eyes now, have fallen.
i know that things will drastically be changing now.
we will remain hopeful, but also aware of what this means.
will he know who i am in a year? probably not.
that reality is horrifying.
but its something that we have to prepare for.

please keep our family in your prayers.
my mom in your prayers.
my sister and i have stepped into our modes.
julie : the supporter, realist, voice of truth.
kate : the planner. researcher. voice of redirection, focus, and game plans.

we know that this is going to be a difficult road ahead.
we have already made the pact to watch our mom,
for signs of overwhelmed, needs a break...
because caretakers need taken care of too.
not just the financial stress thats ahead, but the mental/emotional and physical.
to talk about it all. the good days and the bad.
to give her breaks. to regroup.

pray for wisdom in the decisions that lie ahead.
he currently is living in their family home,
the one that we prayed would stay in the family for years,
but the reality is he needs care.
will more than likely need assistance in the next six-eight months.
and the upkeep of the home and the stress of maintaining the home plays a role in his health.

he will also need your prayers,
i can not imagine what he is going through.

this is honestly one of my biggest fears for myself.
one of the reasons i write everything down,
document everything,
have thousands of photos...

to be diagnosed
to know what is to come,
that he won't remember his family at some point.
that he will need to be taken care of,
even with the things we take for granted...
bathing, eating... having conversations.
i cant imagine what he thinks, when he has moments of clarity.
please pray.

and if any of you have gone through this before, please comment/email me.
any and all advice, support, and prayers are welcomed.
the biggest thing i have realized so far,
is that we are going to need a strong support team.

thank you all for being here and reaching out.
i love you.
xoxo