for years it has been my place of refuge when i need to let it all out.
a safe space for me share my heart. my family. my life. a space where i can babble endlessly and somehow i feel cleansed and can breathe again... its been my magical blogger wonderland of dreams... kind of like our current living room ;)
but lately... i have been playing the comparison game WAY too much. i haven't really given myself any chance to just be me. i have felt this stirring for a while and if im 100% honest... i have been terrified to share. my photos aren't good. no one cares what i have to say. my grammar isn't perfect. heck... most of my blog posts are chopped sentences. run ons... lots of .............. but hey. its me right? i feel like its how i talk. well, at least thats how i write. kind of. oh geez... my notes are like a rabbit trail of tidbits of what my heart latched onto. poor soul who ever finds and tries to decipher my writing on paper. YIKES.
anyways. so i have been reading a lot more. lots of personal development. not because i didn't love me... well partly because i didn't know HOW to really love myself... but really to better myself. i crave knowledge. could spend hours upon hours in a library. for real. give me a book over a movie anyday. whether or not my littles will let me read it... TOTALLY different story ;) no pun intended.
one thing that has been a constant in my reading and revelations...
be true to you. unapologetically. authentically you.
for years i have "edited" myself. make sure not to piss anyone off. don't say the wrong thing. don't be too loud. goofy. heaven forbid you have a dance party in the middle of the grocery store because your favorite song came on... or you found your favorite drink you thought they had retired and you would never taste again... which by the way... is TOTALLY a reason to dance. i censored myself because i didn't want to embarrass myself. my husband. my littles. my family... i didn't want to make others uncomfortable.
KATE'S LATEST REVELATION::
WHY? WHY IN THE WORLD DID I HIDE MYSELF?!?!
WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD I CENSOR MY HEART?!
::warning... someone is about to have a wonderful thought about herself. hide your children. close your ears... society isn't prepared for people to start loving who they are.... RUN::
just kidding ;) kinda.
buy seriously... WHY would i stop being me? WHY would i start acting like what i "thought" a well contributing member of society should act like?... umm have you met these so called "contributors"? THEY ARE BORING. stifling. hateful. sad. well most of them... we need more dancers. laughers. lovers. positive joyous people. i mean come on... if you saw some chick having a dance party, singing in the grocery aisle with her kids, possibly still in her pajama/yoga/everyday pants... would you not giggle? or maybe you would look at her and say... WOW... she's weird. then what... what did you lose? 10 seconds of your eye sight? ;)
but what if...
what if you gained a laugh. what if it gave you permission in some way to smile. or dance yourself. inspired you to not take yourself so seriously...
what if you dancing in the grocery aisle could be the spark to ignite a flame of self-love?
what if looking someone in the eye when you say "how are you?" changed someone's day?
what if you started giving compliments and encouragement to everyone around you... what if that could that inspire postivitiy??
what if when someone says or does something mean, nasty, negative towards you...
you smiled. because you know its not true. you know you are beautiful. you know you are loved. you know you are worthy...
would it stop them in their tracks and ask "why in the WORLD are you smiling?!"
then you could spread a bit of joy?
maybe ask them to join you in an impromptu dance party.... ;)
you guys... we have the power to change the world.
i mean every bit of that. our world is RIGHT HERE. in front of us. your community. your home.
these last few weeks... we've been dancing and singing a lot more. letting our "ME FLAG" fly. and you know what... its been marvelous! the biggest joy so far...
two examples... both out of the blue and completely unprompted.
ONE::
"mama... i love me!"
"you do sweetie... may i ask what you love about you?"
"well... i love my long blonde hair. and my ponies. and my brother. and daddy. and you. and... (proceeds to go through everyone in our family...) and how i can play games. and how i can make cookies. and how i can dance... see mama!!"--and she goes on to give me what i can only describe as a little girl attempting to break dance while trying to ballerina spin....
TWO::
"oh mom... hahahahaha. im so silly. i thought that that was the bathroom! haha! wow. silly me." she was actually walking upstairs to her bedroom.
this might not mean much to you... it means the world to me.
she sees herself as wonderful. silly. loving. kind. and a good dancer.
what if...
more littles loved who they are...
what if you started to really love who you are...
what would the world start to look like.
wrapping this all up into WHY i even posted this about blogging. its to publicly say... im going to write. post. no matter what. no matter if im the only one who reads. no matter if my photos are grainy and don't fit. no matter if my grammar is off or i use too many...................... i love writing. it brings me joy. it challenges me. it helps mold me... and im seeking a lot of "lets be the best version of me possible. even if i fail along the way... because so what if i fail... i get back up... its called failing forward. and from now on when i fail... i will get back up and keep going forward..."
so here's to more dance parties. singing loudly. more compliments. more love. more smiles. more being true to who you are. lets start a flame... a flame of self love. self acceptance.
to start loving ourselves into the very best versions of us. maybe to even start dancing.
xoxo, kate
